Once a woman bears a child society’s message is clear-in no uncertain terms is the desire to be anything but mother to this child short of selfish which conflicts with the multiple choices women have been presented with throughout child and young adulthood. The caring for a newborn is all consuming as their needs are endless and through the delirium of sleepless nights and fluctuating hormones one quickly comes to the realization that life has forever been changed.
As the unsolicited opinions of others fill your in box, the seed of disconnect is now planted where the angst of motherhood is sure to flourish. For most, motherhood brings many joys and just as many frustrations as we struggle to find balance between selflessness and selfishness. The physical and social disconnect from self that occurs durning the transformation to motherhood can be overwhelming.
Acceptance, soon to become your daily mantra, and continued reevaluation of self becomes your salvation. Unfortunately, acceptance and reevaluation come with age. Your thirty’s near over, tired carpooling moms who have dedicated their lives to enriching the lives of their children and the working moms who have struggled to find balance where few men dare wander, awaken to the quiet of the unknown-somehow without intention a woman was lost along life’s journey as mother.
Challenge yourself to bridge the “gap of disconnect”-the greatest challenges and times of uncertainty have the highest potential for growth.
What about you? Did you find having children to be liberating? Do you still revel in the liberation or do you long for the days when your biggest problem was deciding which college to apply to or whether a certain job would take you down the right career path?Funny thing is, once the kids come along, we get so ensconced in keeping them alive, then optimizing their experience, ensuring their future, that some of us forget ourselves completely. Then that lack of self starts to bother us. And we start to say the same thing about motherhood. “Is this all there is?”
Which leads to the cliche du Jour: How do we find a balance between selflessness and selfishness? How do we find time to keep bettering ourselves while giving such a huge percentage of our time and energy to our children?
What about you? Did you find having children to be liberating? Do you still revel in the liberation or do you long for the days when your biggest problem was deciding which college to apply to or whether a certain job would take you down the right career pathFunny thing is, once the kids come along, we get so ensconced in keeping them alive, then optimizing their experience, ensuring their future, that some of us forget ourselves completely. Then that lack of self starts to bother us. And we start to say the same thing about motherhood. “Is this all there is?”
Which leads to the cliche du Jour: How do we find a balance between selflessness and selfishness? How do we find time to keep bettering ourselves while giving such a huge percentage of our time and energy to our children?
What about you? Did you find having children to be liberating? Do you still revel in the liberation or do you long for the days when your biggest problem was deciding which college to apply to or whether a certain job would take you down the right career path?
The saddest part about it all is that we are all on the same side. We all want what is best but we cannot manage to see that what is best for my family may not be best for yours. We are all so caught up in “knowing what is best” that we get all upity and end up alienating people. Good article though.
I agree. There is plenty of room in knowing what is best for your family and respecting the choices of others. My own transformation to motherhood was wrought with self-doubt at times and ‘helpful’ advice from others who thought they knew best. I’ve learned to recognize that the most vocal “Mothers who know best” may be caught up in their own self-evaluation validation cycle. @alicerd
The best mom is a happy mom—in whatever shape or form that may take. In order to be loving toward our children, we must be loving and accepting toward ourselves first.
Michelle
Couldn’t agree more. Women have choice and we as women need to support those who choose to stay at home and those who choose to work outside the home.
A well balanced woman and happy mother is a “good mother”
Leave it to our East coast editor to say it like it is… Motherhood is one of life’s dichotomies. Never have we felt both so empowered and lost simultaneously. It is truly a lesson in staying in the present as the development of our children changes so quickly as they grow and learn about the world around them. Slowly but surely, we realize that we only have so much influence over them. We have a responsibility to ourselves and our children to tend to our personal lives as women and lead by example. What a task. Chic Mom Magazine is there to help with that task. The best thing we can do is to support – not judge – each other. Motherhood takes many forms, and sometimes the worst bullies are moms themselves. Let’s honor the women we are and become sisters on our motherhood journeys, not ‘frenemie.’ Thanks for the reminder, Stephanie.
Any major life-changing event challenges us and I believe it is only our personal experience with parenthood that can teach us – it’s only through that which can we can truly understand how it alters us.
We begin another cycle, yet another metamorphosis and always our very own.
As with any new, grand experience with older wings it’s important to move slowly through time in order to integrate motherhood with who we uniquely were, uniquely are – in order to be who we will uniquely become. No one can say what we should be, become, or what is good for our family – just ourselves.
Selfish – I don’t think so. If we are to nurture our kids to be individuals then we owe it to them to be happy parents. That’s what they see and emulate and become. It’s how we best connect.
Thank you for your response. There is little doubt that if we hold true to self we will shine in motherhood.
Women should realize they are MORE a woman by being a mother and children keep us young IF we play with them and love them. via @StephanieBurges
I’ve said it again and again, the best gift we can give is of ourselves freely and happily. If we feel we are being judged or berated, how can we be anything to anybody? If we all practiced being a bit more loving toward our sisters, help instead of critique, this world would be a completely different place! How can I help you? Howabout this, “You are doing a great job!”